The Simplicity Series : : Session #5 : : Your Toolbox

Our traveling light journey is coming to end.  And what better grand finale than offering you a potpourri of hands-on tools to help these sessions spring to life for you?  The three of us put our heads together to give you a bundle of resources, a bit of a toolbox, so that you're equipped to figure out what your next steps in pursuing a simplified life might look like.

 

 

JONATHAN & ALLISON RECOMMEND

Simplify: 106 Ways to Uncomplicate Your Life 

Paul Borthwick

 

Organized Simplicity: The Clutter-Free Approach

 Tsh Oxenreider

 

The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide: How to Declutter, Organize, and Simplify Your Life

Francine Jay

 

Frugillionaire: 500 Fabulous Ways to Life Richly and Save a Fortune

Francine Jay

LINDA RECOMMENDS THESE BOOKS

7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess

Jen Hatmaker

Clutterfree for Kids: Change Your Thinking.  Discover New Habits.  Free Your Home

Joshua Becker

Clutter's Last Stand

Don Aslett

THESE BLOGS

Becoming Minimalist

Be More with Less

THESE POSTS

The Albatross Around our Necks

Are You Living in a Fantasy World?

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As we wrap up The Simplicity Series, all I can do is thank Jonathan and Allison for offering such a treasure trove to us.  HUGS to you guys from all of us here!  Your journey has jumpstarted many of ours. What a way to kick off spring!

 

One cool benefit of the blogging world is that we get challenged and motivated by each other's life experiences.  The wisdom writer tells us that 'iron sharpens iron.'  This is the time and place to share the books and blogs and online resources that you've found work for you in your own simplicity journey!  Please share your favorite titles, links, victories, and other goodies in the comment section below.

 

Happy Trails ~

 

 

 

 

 

* sharing the good stuff with Kristen 

The Simplicity Series : : Session #4 : : He's Got More to Say

He's back again!  This guy's never been at a loss for words ... Jonathan presents six more traveling light brainstorms today.  If you missed the first three sessions, they're here, there, and yonder.

1.  Digitize, Digitize, Digitize (Part 1) - It has been wonderful to scan old documents, cards, letters, and miscellaneous files.  By archiving them in multiple places, we can reduce the paperwork we have and refer to them at any point.  We especially enjoyed putting old greeting cards with the memories folder mentioned in our last session.  What a great way to refer back to encouraging words and support from family and friends.
 

2.  Digitize, Digitize, Digitize (Part 2) - Whether you have photographs or slides, these take up space and likely are rarely looked at.  A scanner can backup your photographic memories.  Now our photos are preserved electronically and can easily be used as a personalized screen saver or loaded into a digital photo frame.
 

3.  Digitize, Digitize, Digitize (Part 3) - In October 2013, Amazon launched Kindle MatchBook.  This service allows you to convert some books previously purchased through Amazon to a Kindle eBook format for under $3 a piece.  It's worth considering transferring your bookshelf onto a Kindle or similar device.  Additionally, with the convenience of Netflix, you can quickly request a favorite movie.  This can allow you to cull some rarely watched DVDs from your collection.
 

4.  Clothing, a simplicity treasure trove - We could do a whole session on this topic alone, but suffice it to say this is an excellent place to apply simplicity principles.  How many t-shirts do you actually need?  It can be eye-opening to actually count how many items you have in your wardrobe.  If you're finding it difficult to part with items, you might find it useful to put them in a bag and put the date on a piece of paper with the clothes.  If months go by, the items aren't seasonal, and you haven't even thought of those outfits, they probably don't need to continue to take up your precious space.
 

5.  This is a joint effort - We're exceedingly grateful that we both got bit by the "simplicity bug" together and have been able to partner together through this process.  Being able to know that we support one another without judgment when it comes to deciding whether to remove or keep an item has been wonderful and has enriched our marriage.
 

6.  Find the right balance for you - The terms "minimalism" or "simplicity" mean different things to different people.  One author sleeps on a futon on the floor as her way of pursuing a minimalist lifestyle.  We won't be doing that any time soon.  The ways we express simplicity in our lives looks different from theirs, and it will look different from yours.  That's OK and that's a good thing.

 

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2 Questions from Linda

The technology stuff or the clothing.  Which are you ready to wade into?

What's the first thing you want to do?

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The Simplicity Series : : Session #3 : : She Says

I've learned that when Allison speaks, it's always something worth savoring.  Always.  Lean in, lean in to hear her gently share these twelve nuggets of wisdom ...

1.   To be successful, you need to go through things multiple times.

2.   At a later time it is sometimes easier to get rid of things than it was previously.  You might have a new perspective on an item that two months ago you labeled an essential treasure.


3.   It’s satisfying to see the pile of stuff you’re getting rid of grow!  This is especially true when you know items are being donated to those who will be able to use them.


4.   It’s satisfying to see previously packed drawers/shelves/closets more sparse and manageable.


5.   Keeping an item because you’d feel guilty getting rid of it is not a good reason.  If it’s not getting use or is causing you guilt, getting rid of it removes the constant reminder.


6.   Less looks better.


7.   Less is a lot easier to clean.


8.   Only keep things you really like.  If you don't feel that strongly about it, get rid of it!


9.   If you have multiples, ask if you really need multiples.


10.  Simplifying should make your life more simple, not more complicated.  For example, getting rid of a bookcase might mean a lot more cramming elsewhere which makes retrieving things and putting things away far more complicated.  Before getting rid of something ask, “will this make my life less complicated or more complicated?”.


11.  Don't make simplicity an idol!


12.  You can still keep things!  You don't have to get rid of everything you own.

*     *     *

2 Questions from Linda

Which one of these nuggets did you hear yourself saying YES to?

What's one thing you will do today to jumpstart those words into action?

 

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The Simplicity Series : : Session #2 : : He Says

Welcome to session #2!  If you didn't catch the Traveling Light intro, now's the time!  Today, we're going to get the first 6 insights from the man's perspective.  Here we go ...

1.  Start with this principle - Francine Jay's The Joy of Less shares that "decluttering is infinitely easier when you think of it as deciding what to keep, rather than deciding what to throw away."  What a freeing ground rule for all these discussions.


2.  Figure out your household's "pen life" - When evaluating your office supplies, ask yourself how long you would be able to write with your current supply of pens (assume each will last for a conservative 6-months).  When we calculated this it was over 15 years!  This didn't even include mechanical pencils, highlighters, Sharpies, crayons, and white board markers!  There's no way we needed nearly 40 pens for the two of us.  We organized by color and style and strategically located those we'd need around the apartment (e.g. by the fridge, office, bedside table drawer). The rest we said 'sayonara' to, and then repeated the process with another office supply.

3.  Sell the old when buying the new - We saved 58% off a new GPS by shopping smart and then selling the old version on eBay.  It made us feel like we got an amazing deal when we factored selling the old item into the new item's cost.

4.  Apply Pareto's Law - This is commonly called the 80/20 Rule, which states that 20% of your stuff gets 80% of the use.  Think of your go-to clothes, DVDs, games, shoes, and electronic devices.  With this principle in mind, focus on eliminating much of the 80% that gets little use.  Case in point ... we had a 13-piece knife set which worked well, but needed replacing.  We realized there are really just 3 knives that we used the most, so we pared down (pun intended as the paring knife made the cut!).

5.  Clean surfaces are amazing - We never realized how wonderful it is to have clean surfaces.  We are down to 2 items on our kitchen counters (toaster and a crock with cooking utensils).  The more we removed, the more we realized we appreciated clutter-free surfaces.  We bought new knives with sheathes so that they can be stored in a drawer.  Now there's no more knife block on our counter!

6.  Photograph your memories - We learned that memories are not found in a souvenir, knickknack, or tchotchke.  Memories are found by recalling the experience itself.  Rather than keeping a lot of trinkets, we found that taking a photo of an item and storing it in a "Memories" folder online or on your computer is an excellent way to remind yourself about an experience and tell others about it.
 

*     *     *

2 Questions from Linda

Which one of these 'traveling lighter' brainstorms grabs you?

What's one step you can take today to head in that direction?

 

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The Simplicity Series : : Traveling Light

Meet Jonathan and Allison.  They're sharp, smart, young professionals.  He's a savvy leadership guru, knows how to work a room with the greatest of ease, and is just plain fun.  She, the bride of my nephew, is simply radiant with a quiet, gentle loveliness ... and she's brilliant as well. 

When they married, Jonathan moved 700 miles with just two carloads of possessions.  The only furniture he saved?  One lone folding chair and a TV tray.  Since then, this couple has embarked on a purposeful journey of examining what they own and the role it plays in their lives. 

I'm impressed ... and not just because he's my sister's first born. They're traveling light.   And I love that in a few dozen years they won't end up like so many of us who are held hostage by way too many accumulations, overwhelmed by endless piles of miscellaneous stuff that means absolutely nothing.

It won't be long til they'll be relocating 700 miles east {with their beloved dog, Caleigh} once Allison finishes her doctorate in statistics.  But no matter where they journey, they assure me that they're going to keep on discussing, strategizing, and LIVING simplicity.

This five session series is going to be chock full of hands-on practical goodies and resources that have worked for them.  I know that you're going to be able to grab hold of some cool ideas that you can use in your own journey toward simplicity. 

And do feel free to share this series on Facebook, Twitter, Google+.  The links are below.  

Ready to roll?  Subscribe right here so you don't miss a single session!

 

 

Session #2  : :  He Says

Session #3  : :  She Says

Session #4  : :  He's Got More to Say

Session #5  : :  Your Toolbox

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traveling with Beth  .  Kristen  .  Beth  .  Elizabeth  .  Holly .  Wanda

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J & A photos in this series by Katy Travis

A Marriage Potpourri

A sweet blogger gave the invitation early this morning, a call to share favorite quotes on marriage.  And I began to muse on the 37 years I've shared with my husband.  The hundreds of men and women I've counseled during the last 11 years.  And the dozens of posts penned over the past half decade on this most sacred of earthly relationships. 

So here you go.  A selection of random bits and pieces gathered over time.  And a prayer that maybe one or two of these nuggets will hit home for you ...

  1.  Our frustration at not being able to keep up with the bills and our fears for the future can cause us to lash out in anger, instead of calmly speaking the truth with love and respect.

  2.  The sooner you get to work, the better chance you give yourself that your marriage will grow and thrive.  Trust me when I tell you that it's better to do the work now than wait til later.

  3.  What's it like being married to you?

  4.  In the end, it's not about the spouse's pronunciation, behavior, manners, posture, meal preparation, or driving patterns.  It's about the control freak.  And their attempts to manage their own emotional pain, unmet needs, and searing childhood memories. 

  5.  What do wives really want?  Is it the kitchen renovation, complete with the stainless steel appliances and granite counter tops?  Or that roomy new van to tote the kids around in?  Maybe that dream cruise?  Or perhaps a bigger diamond?  I don't think so.  

  6.  He doesn't have a crystal ball.  She doesn't have a crystal ball.

  7.  ... many of the deepest yearnings, whether they're single or married, can not and will never be met by another person.   Those needs can only be met through an intimate relationship with the Lover of their souls.  Jesus Christ.

  8.  The long established myth is that husbands want sex all the time and their wives are reluctant participants.  If anyone has a headache when the lights go out, it's always the wife, right?  Wrong.

  9.  Women can be incredibly disrespectful to their husbands.  And men can be incredibly unloving to their wives.  And thus begins the crazy cycle that defines so many marriages in crisis.

10.  How 'bout we do more than barely look up from the stovetop or sink?  Or give more than a distracted nod with one eye on the TV when the ones we're closest to arrive or depart?  What if the words we offer are tokens of life-giving blessing instead of a tiresome litany of the day's woes or an endless harangue of all the things that need to be done? 

11.  Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?  Some spouses are so busy fighting for their rights, fighting to be heard, fighting to win the next argument, or fighting to come out on top, that they don’t realize that all these futile debates do is produce a lose/lose outcome.  No one emerges as a winner … and the children end up as the biggest losers of all.

12.  Separation and divorce not only impact the immediate family but everyone else who loves and cares about each of them.  The tragic tentacles reach into the lives of relatives, friends, and others in a church family and neighborhood. 

13.  The truth is that if we're yawning our way through this lifetime commitment, and if we're not continually 100% invested in making it the most exceptional relationship of our lives, we really are heading out the door in one way or another.

14.  What am I going to do about it?

15.  You're just not gonna find too many songs that encourage you in your marriage.   Sappy country songs and insipid Top 40 music only leave you feeling just a wee bit more entitled to throw up your hands in hopeless defeat and move on to find your next true 'soulmate.'



The Wedding Ring

Cherished.  I know.  I am.

Even when I am out of sorts, or more than a little unpleasant.

Cherished when I rise early and look something less than human.  Or at the end of a very long and difficult day when there are no words to say. 

Cherished by the one who, after more than 30 years of not wearing his wedding ring because it was dangerous to wear while repairing computers, decided that it was time to have me place it on his left hand once again. 

It was nestled way at the bottom of my red felt stocking, opened on Christmas Eve, in full view of our children.  That big ring.  Resized and reclaimed.  Slipped back on to that finger.  A wordless renewed promise of our future together.

And I never doubted that love, that commitment for a single moment along the way.

 

 

31 Days of Awesome Relationships : : Day 22 : : Her Brother's Heart is Broken

Sandra in North Carolina writes ...
I am trying to minister to my brother.  His wife of 25 years has asked him for a divorce.   She said that he had changed ... that now the age difference between them was too much ... She wants him to move out.

I have no idea what all of the problems are.  I know he has been faithful.  They have seen a lawyer.  The lawyer wants them to sell the house, take the two paychecks and split them evenly.  The lawyer said that until the house sells they could live one week in/one week out of the house (trading parents--Dad in one week/Mom in one week). 

It is such a mess!  His daughter's birthday is in exactly one month. She will be 14.  He doesn't want to miss out on daily being part of the kids' lives!  He doesn't want to be a part time father, doesn't want to move out, doesn't want to separate.

How on earth do I minister to him?  to his kids?  I am trying not to say anything except to ask him to pray before he moves and know that this is what God wants.  Can it truly be what God wants??  There are a 1000 things that I could say, none of which would be what God wants me to say.

How do I advise my older brother when his heart is broken?  He said that he had lost his best friend ... and now she is asking him to leave his kids too.  I am praying for her to come to her knees and see what Jesus wants her to do.

Please tell me how to help.  I can't get the faces of this broken family out of my mind and heart!!

My response ...

Hi Sandra ~

I am so sorry for this tragedy that is unfolding in your family.  Sadly, your story is not unusual, but that doesn't make the pain and heartache any less real.  Most especially for your brother's children.

Separation and divorce not only impact the immediate family but everyone else who loves and cares about each of them.  The tragic tentacles reach into the lives of relatives, friends, and others in a church family and neighborhood. 

And yes, although we hate to hear it, there are always two sides to every story.  And reconciliation takes two people willing to roll up their sleeves and do the work of rebuilding a marriage.  Without that commitment, it's just not going to happen without direct intervention from God Himself.

I love when you wrote, 'There are a 1000 things that I could say, none of which would be what God wants me to say.'  You are so wise in not only understanding what you want to add to the already volatile mix, but also using discernment and self-control in being still with your words, most particularly around the children.

You might find that journaling will allow you to unpack all that's assaulting you, and that leaving your swirling emotions with God will allow you to be calm, wise, and gracious in your dealings with the family.

Everyone on both 'sides' of this misfortune is going to have an opinion, free advice, and their own perspective.  You can stand out in the crowd and be most effective by making concentrated prayer for each member of your brother's family, including his wife, a priority for you.  Are you able to commit to 5, 10, 15 minutes a day?

We are called to 'be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry' {James 1:19}.  If you are able to be a safe, gentle person for your brother and his children, and provide a quiet nurturing space in your home for them to retreat to, this will be a huge gift to them.  I would also encourage you to be gracious and merciful if/when you run into your sister-in-law, remembering that she will continue to be the mother of your brother's children.

We all carry a bucket of kerosene and a bucket of water to every relationship blaze we encounter along the way.  As you watch this family go through uncertainty and pain, I encourage you to make the choice to dispense only what will put out the flames of hurt and anguish.  A 'gentle and quiet spirit' is often the most healing gift that can be given.  That your brother and his children know that you are a loving, supportive presence for them, a stable, safe harbor during the storm, is a lavish, Christ-honoring gift. 

And as this trauma continues to unfold, please be sure to do what you need to do to stay healthy and sane ... and not too drawn into all that's swirling around your brother's family.

How blessed they are that you're there ... 

*    *    *

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31 Days of Awesome Relationships : : Day 9 : : A Pastor's Wife Shares Her Heartache

Back on Day 1, I invited our 31 Day readers to shoot me a quick email with a question about some kind of relationship issue ... a dilemma, a choice, or a challenge sitting right in front of you.  Within hours, this letter found its way to my inbox ...

How do you close one chapter and move onto the next ... not getting bitter and hateful when you get dropped as a friend?

I had a group I thought I was close with ... and I went thru a hard time in my marriage -- and my (youth pastor) hubby had to resign from his job so we could go get help ... My husband and I have gotten to a great place & God has been so good to restore.

Problem is, we are still in town so reminders and old friends are everywhere ... of those, I talk to 2 girls.  That huge group ... just shunned us. That hurt as much as the stuff I was going thru in my marriage.

For a while I was so angry. First at God, but then he showed me that I was so hurt because the church didn't act like the church ... the very people who should have been bearers of grace and compassion and love, weren't.  

I don't want it to still hurt, but it does. I invested and poured out my life for 4 1/2 years into those relationships, and then we had to leave and it's like we never existed or made a difference or were important to anyone.

 

My response ...

 

Thank you, A, for your note.  It sounds like alot has happened in quick order and it's left your heart broken, your head spinning, and your life empty.

 

First of all, I am truly sorry for the challenge that's hit your marriage, and thankful that God has begun to bring hope and healing there.  These difficulties surely have been magnified because your husband is a pastor.  Any choices or decisions that have been made within your marriage have not only affected your family, but impacted your church family as well.

 

That has, most likely, left your friends feel like the rug has pulled out from under them, and left them feeling confused, disappointed, hurt.  They probably aren't quite sure what to do with all these painful emotions.  And yes, the result would be exactly as you've written ... they have pulled away.  They are grieving the loss of their pastor and his wife, their church family as it was, and the warm, safe experience of an intact community.

 

In order for you to go on without bitterness, you must continue to do what you've already started to do ... grieve the lost dream of a picture perfect marriage and the departure of your church family and friends.  While so much of what has occurred has been out of your control, making the choice to refuse to haul this painful stuff around is a pivotal decision that, with God's strength, you have the power to make.  

 

A few things that might help ...

 

1.  Journaling can be a huge tool to help you unpack all the very real emotions that are swirling around right now.  Many of us begin this spiritual discipline when we've just about hit bottom.  This is a great grief, and there's no better Person to walk you through this valley than the Lover of your soul.  Invite God right into the middle of your crisis and name your hurts and the feelings of abandonment so they don't get stuffed down into your soul and begin to form bitter roots that will only lead to bitter fruit {Hebrews 12:15}.  

 

2.  I'd encourage you and your husband to be involved in some ongoing marriage counseling so that you can explore the roots of what led to this situation, and make plans for improved communication in the future.  There might be the need for one or both of you to benefit from individual counseling, as well.

 

3.  You mentioned that you are still in touch with two friends.  See if you are able to re-cultivate those relationships outside the church setting, focusing on all the common interests and enjoyable activities that you've shared together.  Please steer clear of conversation about anything to do with the church, and see if you can foster a new, richer bond.

 

4.  This isn't easy, but it's time to begin to expand your borders and discover some new relationships that will bring you hope, cultivate some hidden potential, or simply get you out of the house.  If you ever wanted to take a class, volunteer, join a book club or Bible study, now's the time.  I'm assuming that you are looking for a new church family.  I trust that God will give you the gracious gift of 'wounded healers' there who will warmly welcome you into a new community.  My prayer is that you will discover those 'bearers of grace and compassion and love' that you so long for.

5.  This final step could be the most powerful in your healing.  Would you commit to praying for your former church family for just 1 minute a day?  Chances are that many of those you poured out your life for are experiencing some of the same emotions that you are.
 

Warmly ~

 

 

 

 

 

P.S.  That Day 1 welcome mat is still out ... feel free to write to me here.

*     *     *

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Are You Still Holding Hands?

Over at 6 Stone Jars, Anthony Buono writes about dating and marriage from a Catholic perspective.  In a recent post, he talks about the importance of married couples holding hands ... and what may be happening if this tender touch has faded away over time.

"I believe if you want to know if a relationship in trouble, start by observing if they hold hands. You can hide a lot of things from others as a couple, but you cannot hide the reality that you don’t hold hands when walking together.

Two people in love are going to hold hands. Not all the time, but definitely often. And that is because when you are in love, you cannot help but want ..."

Treasuring that hand-holding for 35 years ~
Linda

- photo by Jaymal -

"The Marital Pause Button"

SEPARATION.

It doesn't have to be the first step toward divorce.

Glenn Stanton tells us that hitting "the marital pause button" can be "an extreme and wise life-giving move for a marriage. It can allow a troubled couple to take a critical time-out from their seemingly hopeless marriage for antiseptic distance and hopefully a new perspective on what they have together, while making intentional plans for the road to health."

Click here to read why a couple's excruciating decision to separate could be one of the wisest choices they've ever made ... and why their community just might benefit when the secret of their troubled relationship is finally let out of the bag.

The Redeemer is able to redeem
the most desperate of circumstances ~

Linda

The Control Freak's Marriage

Marriage and the control freak.

Often in the guise of caretaker or head of the family, this is the spouse "who is always correcting the other's pronunciation, behavior, manners, posture, meal preparation, driving patterns ...

The caretaker's goal (whether conscious or unconscious) is usually to maintain his or her power in the relationship.  As long as he/she can keep the spouse in the one-down position of child, he/she can be the 'parent in charge.' 

Sure, it's hard work always to be in charge, but for the caretaker it beats the alternative of never being able to predict exactly what will happen and thus feeling totally out of control."
- Carder in TORN ASUNDER

In the end, it's not about the spouse's pronunciation, behavior, manners, posture, meal preparation, or driving patterns. 

It's about the control freak. 

And their attempts to manage their own emotional pain, unmet needs, and searing childhood memories. 

Never knowing what would happen next, these wounded folk often grew up in families defined by unpredictable chaos.  A loving authority figure was often absent - or frighteningly emotionally unavailable.  Without faithful nurturing and care, they were left to fend for themselves, either physically or emotionally.

The legacy? 

Fear.  Low self-esteem.  Powerlessness.   

As adults, they wear themselves out, desperately try to control everybody and everything around them in order to calm the storm of angry uncertainty that continues to rage inside.  In their frantic, often unacknowledged efforts to predict what will happen next, they have donned a mantle of power that results in deep frustration and unending pain in the lives of those they so overwhelmingly try to manipulate. 

The result? 

The fabric of mutual trust and loving partnership that should define their marriage is slowly but surely destroyed.

These relational and emotional issues beg to be tended to.  And there's a huge spiritual component, too. 

Because Christ longs to bring healing to your chaotic childhood.  Healing that will change who you are today - as an individual and as a spouse. 

And as you begin to learn to trust Him to meet those very valid needs that define who you are, that were sadly untended to during those early years, the Holy Spirit begins to gain control. In a beautiful, loving, gracious way {Galatians 5}. 

Isn't it time to lay this exhausting burden down?
Linda

"Then Jesus said, 'Come to Me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest'"
- Matthew 11:28 (NLT).

A "Creeping Separateness"

ave you been married for awhile? After years of living together, it's not unusual for a "creeping separateness" to subtly intrude into your commitment to each other.

Why are you surprised? The relentless 24/7 demands of childcare. Work schedules that collide. Intrusive relatives or friends. The growing stack of unpaid bills. Urgent health issues. Ongoing church activities that demand attendance. Varying interests. Unexpected choices. Annoying habits. Questionable preferences.

And then there are all those disappointments, great and small, that gathered along the way that were never fully addressed.
Without purposeful focus and attention, a wall gets built, brick by brick. You don't even know it's happening. Or maybe you do, but you don't care all that much anymore. The energy your marriage requires imperceptibly erodes, slowly but surely.
The result? Your love, commitment, and passion slip silently away. And you begin to look for affirmation and companionship elsewhere.

Wake up! And read on to discover how to embrace your differences, build intimacy (it's not all about sex), and enthusiastically invest in the life-long commitment that you made way back when ...

Re-Focus. Re-Calibrate. Re-Commit. Today.
Linda

What's It Like Being Married To You?

One of my favorite questions to ask clients is, "What's it like being married to you?"

From time to time, we all need to consider some hard questions about the relationship we have with our spouses. Questions that, if we were to be brutally honest with ourselves, we'd rather not consider. But these are the inquiries that spark those much-needed, in depth conversations that we keep shoving aside. First of all, a dialogue within our own souls with the One who knows us most intimately. And then some heart to heart talks with the one we said we'd love "in sickness and in health, til death do us part."

This isn't something that will be done in 10 minutes. It takes energy to handle what's true about ourselves. So we push it aside for another time. Ah ... the tyranny of the urgent wins again.

It's so easy to look at the one we married and see lots of things that need fixing. But are we courageous enough to take the time and energy to look deep inside our own souls? And be willing to admit there's some work that needs to be done?

Consider carving out the time to take this evaluation. These are questions worth pondering. And these are dialogues worth indulging in.

Linda

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting"

- Psalm 139:23-24.