The Imperfect Table

'Although the table is a place for intimacy, we all know how easily it can become a place of distance, hostility, and even hatred.  Precisely because the table is meant to be an intimate place, it easily becomes the place we experience the absence of intimacy.  The table reveals the tensions among us.  When husband and wife don’t talk to each other, when a child refuses to eat, when brothers and sisters bicker, when there are tense silences, then the table becomes hell, the place we least want to be.

The table is the barometer of family and community life.  Let’s do everything possible to make the table the place to celebrate intimacy.'
- Henri Nouwan

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It's circa 1960s, this photo is, with loved ones gathered around the mahogany table, layered in white linen starched and pressed within an inch of its life.  All have donned their Sunday go-to-meeting attire and another homemade feast has been savored.  The main course {savory chicken and dumplings laced with fresh rosemary ... or perhaps a herbed roast leg of lamb with mint jelly} has been polished off.  Dessert is about to be served on the beautiful blue-rimmed china.  Fresh flowers create the centerpiece, and that ain't no store bought cake front and center.  Blue depression glasses are filled with ice cold milk, and smiles and laughter wrap themselves 'round and 'round the crowded room.

This is a feast of love and laughter that somehow springs from imperfect hearts in an imperfect family.  And only by His grace are there seldom tense silences or harsh words as we gather together.  For this is a safe place and this is the stuff that memories are woven of, secure and warm and strong.

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Fast forward to 2014.  Five of those adults now dine with Jesus in the most spectacular dining room ever.  The little cousins {I am unseen on the far left} are now all in their 50s and 60s and are scattered over five states.  They very rarely gather, which makes any reunions oh so sweet.  

Two generations later, I am now the presiding granny at yet another table.  Sweatshirts and jeans are the Sabbath attire.  A new passel of little cousins gather with their parents and grandparents as we celebrate the sweet nine year old's birthday.  We're talking hot dogs straight off the grill, spinach salad tossed with fresh veggies, hot homemade applesauce, and chips.  Any treasured remnants of Grandma's mid-century china are stashed away in someone's cupboard somewhere, and we dine on rectangular styrofoam plates and glasses hastily pulled from the kitchen cabinet.  A typical dessert at this table?  Rarely homemade.  There is no time or energy for that these days.  Ice cream comes out of the freezer, and Hershey's syrup and sprinkles and whipped cream from a can does the trick.

Yet 50 years later, the barometer reads the same.  It's a different time, a different place, but one central truth remains. 

This is a feast of love and laughter that somehow springs from imperfect hearts in an imperfect family.  And only by His grace are there seldom tense silences or harsh words as we gather together.  For this is a safe place and this is the stuff that memories are woven of, secure and warm and strong.

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I wipe the spills and the crumbs from my husband's handcrafted table, scarred barn wood redeemed from the scrap heap, marred with scratches, gouges, and knots.  This imperfect heart overflows with gratitude for childhood memories way back in the day ... and this, the here and now.  For a rare Christ-centered legacy that wends its way through the generations.  For those little ones careening through the house, shouts and laughter and occasional tears echoing as bare feet pound on smooth wood in the hall, up and down the stairs.   

I head back to the kitchen, stepping around an assortment of little sneakers and boots kicked to the side and abandoned toys hastily dropped along the way.  I join my daughters in wrapping leftovers and washing dishes.  We wipe down sticky counters and close the fridge and cupboard doors tight. 

But the hearts of those who fill this home today?  As imperfect as they are, by His grace they remain open wide to each other.  And to their Heavenly Father from whom all blessings have flowed.

Imperfect hearts.  Imperfect family.  Imperfect table. 

Redeemed.






>  sharing life with Laura  *  Beth  *  Kristen  *  Beth



Looking Back at theTimeline

'Some of us spend so much time wishing that things were different,

 

and thinking up alibis for why things aren't different,

 

that we overlook all of the advantages and the opportunities open to us right where we are.'

 1993 timeline snippet, author unknown

 

 

 

 

I came across this timeline yesterday as I precariously perched on a little wooden chair, pulling decades' worth of dusty old board games down from a closet shelf.  I vaguely remember creating this little collage for some coursework along the way ... I see the year 2000 scrawled toward the end. 

 

And as I sat amidst the piles of disintegrating cardboard boxes thirteen years later and looked at my simple creation, I recall how working on this composition turned out to be a bit an empowerment tool, a huge assist in pulling those random threads of my life together during a time of transition and anticipation.  God was moving in big ways, and this visual proof was an important message to me - in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. 

 

It was one of those line-in-the-sand kind of moments ... then and now.

 

A timeline's a great little tool that can pack a pretty big punch when you stand back and see your significant life events - defeats as well as victories, in living color.  So if you're feeling kinda stuck right about now and want to make sense of where you've been and where you might like to head to next, this is a great project.  Gather your photos, little momentos, old magazines, scissors, craft supplies and do your thing.  Simple or complex, it doesn't matter.  This is your baby.  Make it work for you.

 

I think I'm going to head upstairs right now to tuck it away, once again, for safekeeping.  Because this little life map, this brief snapshot in time, is yet another not-so-random piece of the legacy I leave. 

 

 

 

 



6 Steps to Aging Well

Our family's far from perfect.  Trust me, we have our moments like any other family!  But I can't begin to tell you how much I admire my parents for the choices they've made together in recent years.  Now heading into their mid-80s, these decisions made over time have been thoughtfully considered, they've been wise, and they've been carried out before their hands were forced by illness, accident, or some sort of crisis. 

As they've aged, my parents have claimed their right and their responsibility to make as many of their own choices as they possibly could.

These decisions have been their own, not orchestrated by others.  They've been able to simplify their lives, allowing themselves the sweet satisfaction of living with independence and safety, despite some physical limitations.  And they've given themselves and those they love the gift of peace of mind, knowing that their legal, financial, medical, and end of life decisions have been carefully made and thoroughly documented. 

 

In the process, they've left all of us who love and care about them breathing a deep sigh of relief. 

 

 

I can only hope that their example will prompt us all to take care of business while we can, to utilize the power to make choices while we're able to.  By doing so, we leave a legacy of loving thoughtfulness, of genuine consideration to those around us.  By choosing smart options, we free the next generation from being forced into making on the fly decisions in the middle of chaos or grief.  We keep those we love from being stuck with logistical nightmares, endless red tape, and heartbreaking snap judgement calls that have the potential to severely mar a legacy or fracture a family.

1.  Paring Down Possessions
When they were in their early 60s, my parents decided to transition to a smaller home in a more pleasant location.  Month after month, from attic to basement, room by room, they methodically sorted through their stuff, chose what to keep, and got rid of everything that wasn't going to be needed in the next season, even as they prepared the family home for sale. 

And they never looked back at the 1950s maple dining room set they left behind.
 

2.  Taking Care of Business
Mom writes, 'I think that we had started out a long time ago to set things in a way that we would not be leaving everything to you and your sister to do when we passed away. I think that is when we first decided to find out more information about the funeral parlor, cemetery, trust etc. ... it is something that really takes a great deal of time and energy!' 

They've done a stupendous job in taking care of any and all end of life legal, medical, and financial business.  And my sister and I have all the data we'll ever need, encased in meticulously typed booklets that will guide us through the mind-numbing logistics we'll encounter when our parents won't be here any more. 

And we'll have the honor of carrying out every detail in the precise way they've planned.

3.  Hiring a Cleaning Lady
A well cared for home has always been prized, and when the logistics to making that happen became more and more difficult, my parents stepped out on a limb and hired a very competent woman to come in a few times a month.  This was a big decision and not one that was made lightly.  It has been an ongoing investment that has paid big dividends and frees them up to use their energy enjoying the birds at the feeder, reading good books, listening to their favorite music, talking on the phone with people they care about, watching documentaries on TV, and reading endless emails from friends. 

And the house never looked better.

4.  Moving Their Bedroom Downstairs
This was another long time coming decision, and one I was more than relieved to see come to pass.  Visions of one or both of them careening down the carpeted stairs and ending up with serious injuries was a concern to us all.  Their choice to allow us to move their bedroom onto the first floor has turned out to be a super smart move.  The smaller room meant they had to give up a rather large dresser, but now their out of season clothes remain upstairs and there's plenty of room for everything that's needed in an easy to navigate space that includes a wonderful chair, perfect for napping. 

And they love one floor living.   

5.   Shopping Online
Images of my mom flying off her feet in an icy parking lot while her cane hung uselessly on a shopping cart handle prompted the choice to use Stop & Shop's Peapod for the majority of their food shopping.  Convenient and not terribly expensive, their supermarket needs are taken care of by a simple online ordering process and a delivery routine that's second to none.  No more exhaustion after navigating a huge supermarket and then hauling heavy groceries in and out of the cart and the car.  More valuable energy to use elsewhere.

And much to Mom's delight, they take coupons!

6.  Living Out Their Faith
Gone are the days when my parents appeared at the church every time the doors were open.  They have served faithfully, and continue to do so in quiet, unassuming ways, even if they might not get out every Sunday morning at 9am.  No one prays with such deep clarity and gentle authority like my dad does.  When he talks to God about his family, I know that we're in good hands, on earth and in heaven.  And I hear that mom has a huge following of younger women that she mentors and shepherds with her gentle spirit and warm presence. 

In the end, it was never about dispensing wisdom at board meetings or being the first one in the door at every Sunday service.  It is all about loving well. 

And that they continue to do.

We Get to Choose!

I love Philippians 4:4-9. These verses provide godly perspective and powerful hope as I talk with women who struggle with the lies they believe. We work hard together to throw out the old tapes that play relentlessly in their heads. Evil, worn-out voices that tell them that they will never amount to much, that they are losers, failures, unforgivable, or are of little value.

We have a smorgasbord of choices as we begin another year. Much of what happens in life is out of our control. Much of life demands a response to some very difficult situations that we never would have chosen in a million years. And the hard truth is that as much as we try to manipulate, finagle, twist, and fix, the only thing we really control is our response to what happens around us.

My human nature pulls me to a pessimistic place. It springs from fear. Most likely under house arrest, Paul reminds me to look at life through lenses of gratitude. Of expectation. Of confidence of Christ's presence and His desire to influence beneficial change in my life by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I love that Paul tells us that we have choices.

Lots of choices!

We can choice to rejoice -

or we can choose to whine.

We can choose to give our troubles to God -

or we can choose to haul them around.

We can choose to be anxious -

or choose practical paths that lead to a peaceful spirit.

We can choose to think about life optimistically -

or choose to always view the glass as half empty.

We can choose contentment -

or we can choose greed and envy.

We can choose empowerment

by the power of the Holy Spirit -

or we can choose to try to wing it on our own.

We can choose to trust that God will meet all our needs -

or choose to believe that we're not going to make it through the week.

We can choose to be victors in Christ Jesus -

or choose to see ourselves as victims.

"Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to His voice, and hold fast to Him. For the Lord is your life"

- Deuteronomy 30:19-20.

I know that my choices not only affect me, but all the people in my world ... most importantly, my children and grandchildren. I want to model a joyful, godly, victorious life and leave a legacy of value that brings honor to the One who saved my soul. I'm working hard at choosing the options that will continue to take me there.

Will you join me?
Linda

Legacy Leavers

September 13th is Grandparents Day. We look at the lives of our parents' parents, and choose to honor them, whether they are alive or are now gone from us.

What is their legacy?

Legacy is defined as "something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past."

So, what are you transmitting to those in your world ... family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, the next generation? What are you modeling for those you influence? What are they receiving as they observe your lifestyle, choices, words, and responses to daily joys and sorrows?

My dear friend Kristen Milligan lives a life that's all about intentionally leaving a legacy.

So today I honor my Dad and Mom who continue to model what "Living for Jesus" looks like. And remember my grandparents who were loving, godly, and faithful - to Christ and to their families. That's my legacy. And I remain determined, by the grace and power of the Spirit, to pass it on to the people in my world, young and old.

Linda

"... I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the Lord your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days ..."

- Deuteronomy 30:19-20 (NKJV).

From Pen to Paper - Legacy

Another birthday approaches. As the years fly by with increasing speed, I am starting to ponder what my legacy might be. Oh God, may the legacy I leave as an individual, as a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a friend, and a counselor be Psalm 112. Enable me to:

fear You

delight in Your commands

do good deeds

be generous

be compassionate

be righteous

lend freely

conduct business fairly

not be overcome by evil

Oh God, may this be our legacy ... as a couple, as a family, as a ministry ... to our children, grandchildren, and the generations to come. To our friends and those who know us. To those we minister God's grace to.

You, Lord - YOU be our legacy. As I move ahead with these who you have blessed me with, let us know how to build something meaningful together, and unify us at the deepest heart level as we do so.

Reflecting ~
Linda