I've been to three funerals in three months. That's more than I've been to in the past decade. And it's three too many.
My heart breaks wide open for the sweet little ones left behind without a mommy or a grandpa to walk through life with. For heartbroken spouses who now sleep alone. The stunned adult children whose worlds have shifted like a seismic earthquake. We weep tears, we lose sleep as we say good-bye to all those future hopes, sparkling dreams, and well-laid plans that will never come to pass.
My husband and I are musing often these days, as is not at all uncommon when the ground around you seems to shift suddenly, repeatedly, tragically. Loss does that to you, for you. It can be an unbidden gift that causes you to pause. And evaluate what it looks like to live a life with no regrets.
We talk about the decisions that we've done well, that we're peacefully satisfied with. And the stupid, boneheaded mistakes we've made along the way.
Interwoven through it all are the questions. How are we investing our energy? What are we doing with our weekends? Are we using our abilities and gifts well? Can we connect more with our far-flung family? Is our home a warm haven for others? Are we being wise with the checkbook? How can we build relationships instead of watching them slip away untended?
I don't want to wait til the end of my life to evaluate how I lived. I want to do it along the way. Not to be maudlin or self-absorbed. Just to be sure that I'm living out the calling God has placed on my life in this season. Am I hearing His voice clearly? Am I being obedient to His whispers, His shouts, His cries?
Bottom line is this. Am I loving well? Because in the end, that will be all that matters.
No wonder this song grabbed hold of my heart yesterday.