A Late Evening Lesson

In the darkness of late evening, I am still and alone, standing out on the back porch, the gentle night breezes cooling my skin.  I process the day, the joys and delights, the sadness and loss.

"Whatcha doing?" he asked as he opened the screen door and poked his head out.

"Looking at the lightning bugs." 

I am very quiet and he disappears back inside, knowing I need solitude for my worn and weary soul.

I lean against the railing, and watch the flashing, bright beams quickly come and go.  Memories of childhood flood back.  Old glass jars filled with grass and twigs and little glimmering bugs that lightened up the night sky.  Captured and breathing through air holes in dented lids, screwed tight by eager hands.

When these babies shine, they sparkle.  But only for a moment.  And if they're making their way through the darkness of night, free of the confines of an old container, you have no idea where they'll show up again.  Here one minute, there the next.  Headed off to unknown parts, their flight patterns seem random and unpredictable, with no consistency to be seen. 

Suddenly it hits me.  I don't want my life to look like that.  I want all that defines me to shine consistently and without a bit of hesitation.  With no surprises.  No coming or going.  No flash in the pan, here today, gone tomorrow.  I want my 'yes' to be 'yes.'  My 'no' to be 'no.'  I don't want to be thrown by uncertainty, disappointment, or rejection.  I want the beacon of Jesus' steady love to illuminate my own dark corners, so I can be cleansed and filled by all that is Him. 

And I know once again, and confirm without a shred of doubt, that my deepest desire is to live out His call on my life as I walk with others, sharing the hope-filled direction He has so lavishly given, over and over again.

As I reflect, the gentle Spirit gives sweet grace and whispers that verse memorized oh so long ago.  I realize once again that 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me' {Philippians 4:13}.  I sit peacefully with all that spins around and within.  And pray with the Psalmist of old, 'my soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to Your word' {Psalm 119:28}. 

And He does.

Linda

- vintage picture by shelece -