Sunday, January 12, 2014

Ocean of Grief

It was the morning after we heard the news that his mom had gone away to be with her Saviour.  Death expected, sadly anticipated, but stunning none the less in its impact.  Jesus had finally come, gently took her feeble hand, and led His beloved to her new long awaited home.  Streets of gold with glorious mansions and hallelujahs and the Lamb upon the throne.  The blessed holy landing place nearby the crystal sea where tears are no more and no trace of sin or suffering are to be found. 
 
A myriad of emotions tumbles round and round, like damp clothes aimlessly twisting in a spinning dryer, intermingled.  Relief.  Sadness.  Heaviness.  Peace.  Speechlessness.  People to contact, travel logistics to figure out, crazymaking dynamics to sift through.  I hold my husband close at every opportunity, a strange numbness and stillness intertwining in my weary soul after fifteen months of exhausting phone calls and endless emails and frustrating conversations.  Excruciating decisions that no family should ever have to make.
 
I sit in solitude with God and His Word and journal all that courses through my mind.  I soak in sweet love as I read the notes of support that come to us.  I do not feel alone.  And then I wander around a bit online and stop in at Barbie's for a minute.  And that's where I hear Oceans.  Mesmerized I am in this song's beauty, its truth, its comfort.
 
'Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders ... and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Saviour ...'
 
And all I can do is let the waves of hot unbidden tears rush in.  Yet again.  And then they slowly wane away.

 
 


* finding comfort in writing with Laura  *  Beth  *  Jennifer  *  Lyli

18 comments:

  1. Dear Tim and Linda...so very sorry for your sorrow over Lillian's passing. My heart and prayers go out to both of you and your family. May you find peace and solace in rejoicing that she is singing and dancing right now, and in all the sweet memories from all the years you shared on earth. My love and sympathies...

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    1. How kind of you, Sheila ... I will tell Tim that you came by today. Warmest blessings to you and Michael ...

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  2. I'm so sorry to hear this, Linda. My own mother in law is facing life and death health challenges as well. She has been so sweet and loving to me in this recent journey out of cancer. But I've never called her "mom." My mom died about 12 years ago and it always felt like something of a betrayal to her. But not anymore! I'm praying for you and your hubby through this painful loss. And thanks to you for your prayers for me. Hugs to you!

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    1. How blessed you and your mother-in-love are to be able to be there for each other as you each are struggling. I guess we can never have too many people around us that love and care for us, no matter what we call them ...

      ;-}

      Love you, my friend ... praying as you continue down your own path toward healing.

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  3. I'm so sorry for the loss you are going through.

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    1. You are kind, Elizabeth. Thank you so much ...

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  4. I'm so sorry about the loss of your precious m-i-l, Linda. How difficult it is to let go, even when we know they are finally made whole again and have a renewed mind again. My prayers are with you, your husband, and family....

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    1. Dear Lisa ~ Thank you for these precious words. Truly. They, and you, mean so much to me ...

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  5. This is beauty for ashes, Linda. Thank you for sharing your heart.

    "Roaring deep calls to roaring deep at the thunder of Your waterspouts; all Your breakers and Your rolling waves have gone over me. Yet the Lord will command His loving-kindness in the daytime, and in the night His song shall be with me, a prayer to the God of my life." (Psalm 42:7-8.)

    As the lyrics to this lovely song put it, "Your Grace abounds in deepest waters... Take me deeper."

    Amen.

    Grace and peace,
    HBHW

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    1. Don't you love how God gives us the songs we most need to hear in the night ... and the Scriptures from whence they came. Grace and peace? Yes, yes, dear HBHW ...

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  6. I'm so sorry, Linda. Such a beautiful song, it speaks sweet comfort, doesn't it? Bless you as you grieve. Much love to you.

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    1. Music surely has its own language. And it so often goes where no words can go ...

      I so appreciate your kindness tonight, Laura. I've been so blessed with supportive friends - in person and online. And that includes you. God is so incredibly good!

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  7. Welcome those tears, Linda. They are there to heal. It's so hard. Even in the knowing and the anticipating. I wish I could hug you.

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    1. mmm ... yes, Sandra. Why do we fight those tears so valiently? Our heavenly Father collects them one by one and stores them in His bottle. What that storeroom must look like over the ages ....

      Thank you for your hug, friend ...

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  8. I'm so sorry for your loss, Linda. Agreeing with Sandra...welcome those tears. They bring healing. Hugs to you friend. Lifting you up in prayer.

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    1. Thank you, Beth ... there's no point in trying to fight the tears. They are a release, they are cleansing, they are healing. And for some reason, God is saving them in a bottle {Psalm 56:8}.

      That must be some storeroom He has! And yet they must somehow be transformed since there is no sorrow in heaven ...

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  9. Linda, I had a crazy week last week, and I am finally sitting down to read this post tonight. Thank you for sharing with us and linking up this post at Thought-Provoking Thursday last week. Big hugs and prayers for you and your husband tonight from Florida.

    I have a close friend who is in the last stages of his cancer fight, and your words have comforted me tonight. I know that God will meet us and carry us in our grief. (and, I love that song!)

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    1. Thanks for your warm thoughts, Lyli. And yes, that song continues to play deep inside ...

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Welcome to the table, friend!

This is where we gather and hang out. I'd love for you to pull up a chair and jump right into the conversation. Or simply say 'hello.'

l'll be dropping in to visit you sometime soon ...

Linda

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