It was the morning after we heard the news that his mom had gone away to be with her Saviour. Death expected, sadly anticipated, but stunning none the less in its impact. Jesus had finally come, gently took her feeble hand, and led His beloved to her new long awaited home. Streets of gold with glorious mansions and hallelujahs and the Lamb upon the throne. The blessed holy landing place nearby the crystal sea where tears are no more and no trace of sin or suffering are to be found.
A myriad of emotions tumbles round and round, like damp clothes aimlessly twisting in a spinning dryer, intermingled. Relief. Sadness. Heaviness. Peace. Speechlessness. People to contact, travel logistics to figure out, crazymaking dynamics to sift through. I hold my husband close at every opportunity, a strange numbness and stillness intertwining in my weary soul after fifteen months of exhausting phone calls and endless emails and frustrating conversations. Excruciating decisions that no family should ever have to make.
I sit in solitude with God and His Word and journal all that courses through my mind. I soak in sweet love as I read the notes of support that come to us. I do not feel alone. And then I wander around a bit online and stop in at Barbie's for a minute. And that's where I hear Oceans. Mesmerized I am in this song's beauty, its truth, its comfort.
'Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders ... and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Saviour ...'
And all I can do is let the waves of hot unbidden tears rush in. Yet again. And then they slowly wane away.