Thursday, June 3, 2010

Addicted to Relationships

Remember the lyrics from that old '80s Robert Palmer rock song, "might as well face it, you're addicted to love"?

Well, if your life focus and quest is to find your identity in another person, and if there's an excessive, obsessive need for connection and relationship, you just might be struggling with relationship addiction.

This longing is prompted by fear, not love.  Or sexual desire. 

Fear of who I am deep down inside.  Fear of who I am without someone to love me.  Fear of who I'll be if someone leaves me.

It's not about love at all.

In a recent edition of Christian Counseling Today magazine, Gregory Jantz presented the 10 Danger Signs of Relationship Addiction: 

1.  When you, alone, are not enough.

2.  When you seek a different person but the same relationship.

3.  When you see the person through the filter of your need.

4.  When you are convinced this person is the answer.

5.  When you experience intense relief within the relationship.

6.  When intense energy, time, resources and thought are consumed to maintain the relationship.

7.  When anxiety is produced at even the thought of any difficulties within the relationship.

8.  When you intentionally cling to your need for the relationship, refusing to accept any negative signs.

9.  When you feel and act out of desperation in order to hold the relationship together, feeling compelled to demonstrate your love and level of commitment and demanding the same in return.

10.  When you feel emotionally adrift and devastated at the loss of the relationship.

Bottom line? 

Only God can meet the deepest needs of our souls.  No person ever can.  We set ourselves up for continued disappointment and heartache when we continue looking for "love" and expecting someone to deliver what only He can satisfy.

Want to know what true, healthy love looks like?  Reach for your Bible and curl up with 1 John 4:7-21.  God's love is rich.  Sweet.  Safe.  Full.  Pure.  Boundless. 

He's the only Lover that will never leave you, never forsake you {Deuteronomy 31:6}.

Go ahead ... embrace Him.


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